she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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