What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
