Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
