Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
