Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
