I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize