That's intense
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
