She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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