you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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