I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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