After last night, I could never be a politician.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
