In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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