Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize