Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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