so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
