I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
