"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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