I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
