Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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