I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
