if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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