Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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