I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
