After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
