At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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