i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
