My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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