It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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