i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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