We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
