So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize