make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
being pregnant is like rehab
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
