I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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