ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
