Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
