i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
