dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
