she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
where are you?
Hypothermia
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
