so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
