I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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