my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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