yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
