We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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