I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
