Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
this hospital has no fireball
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
