i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
