respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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