Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
