were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
