He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
