maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
