Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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