I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
