Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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