you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
