She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
