i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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