idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
