I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
