I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
