Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
