For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
