i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
