I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
one two three fourrrrnication!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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