he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
