...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
